We’ve stayed at Hearts Together for about 17 weeks now by my reckoning over the last 6 months or so, during the illness and death of our son Duncan. It has been a wonderful part of what has been a deeply unpleasant time.

Duncan was diagnosed with an untreatable brain tumour, and then had a biopsy which went badly wrong and nearly killed him. He finally died in St Luke’s hospice.

Hearts Together has provided a safe place where we can talk to others going through similar experiences; it’s provided a kitchen where we can cook our own food, and washing facilities for our clothes; affordable shelter, and a pleasant environment where some of the cares and stress of the hospital can be left behind.

We have been considerably helped by all the people we have shared with, especially family and friends of patients and staff in the Derriford ICU; the residents, counsellors and staff of Hearts Together; our family, and the churches to which we belong both in Martigues and Plymouth. The importance of this emotional help cannot be understated. 

“We have been able to share our horrible experiences, our uplifting experiences, our worries, our uncertainties, and our inability to relieve Duncan’s ills, with so many other people and at a deep level. In the waiting room at ICU and at Hearts Together particularly, we were brought into close contact with others who were going through something similar to ourselves, which broke down the barriers which prevent emotional sharing between strangers. It’s that sharing which has been so important for us. ”

The kitchen and dining area is the place where we have done most sharing. But it’s also been important practically. Most hotels just have restaurants which are expensive, don’t serve the food you really want, have a limited menu, and give you too many calories. The kitchen/diner enables us to avoid these problems. Most hotels do not have clothes washing facilities, which force you to go to a launderette, or to use the hotel laundry service, which again is normally expensive.

The hotel is affordable. We would not have been able to spend so much time with our son otherwise. And all the time spent with him has been precious as it was so limited. There has been a pattern to our stays here – we come, expecting to go back home after a couple of weeks, but Duncan’s health abruptly deteriorates (due to seizures, embolism and infections), and we have to extend our stay. Yet most of the time, you’ve been able to accommodate us. Our current stay has been prolonged because we never expected it to take so very long to organise the funeral.

The hotel is a very pleasant environment. It’s kept very clean, and it’s not becoming run-down with time, as many conventional hotels do. The guiding ethic seems to be to provide a quality service and environment rather than to maximise profit. The staff go out of their way to be friendly and to help. The residents all have something in common which tends to link them together. The hotel is situated in a quiet and leafy area which helps stressed people to relax, and the wildlife take our minds off our immediate problems. This environment has definitely helped us to cope.